Renovation

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to have your mind renewed?
(Romans 12:2)
The word study I use defines that word “renewed” as “a renewal, renovation, complete change for the better” (Wuest’s Word Studies from the Greek New Testament). When someone renovates a house they don’t just replace the wallpaper with paint and change the carpets. They take out a wall, get new cabinets for the kitchen, rearrange the whole place so you hardly recognize it.
So what does it look like when you have your heart and mind renewed?

I think it’s a bit like what the Grinch experienced in “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. The heart that he had was two sizes too small, but when he realized that Christmas was about more than just getting toys, his heart grew three sizes. It busted out that X-ray machine! His heart got bigger, and anyone who’s heard me describe the growth I’ve gone through in the past two years has heard me liken myself to the Grinch.

It feels like my heart has grown larger, but I attribute this to how the Lord has gone into my heart and revealed a lot of the walls that have kept me cooped-up and in the dark; walls that have allowed me to hide, to be self sufficient, to not need Him. But now there are less walls and I struggle to find places to hide now. There is a freedom in that, though. There are fewer places where He is not. The places where I used to retreat to, where I could take comfort in the shadows that were out of His light are almost non-existent. It’s like going from having your own bedroom to having to share a studio apartment: it’s all open space.

But one of the scariest parts of knocking a lot of walls out of a house is that there is nothing left to support the roof and you worry that whole thing will collapse. This house that I have worked so hard to maintain, the only one I’ve ever had and probably ever will have (I can’t just change hearts) and it feels like the whole thing is about the collapse around me. And in the fear of that moment when you hear the creaking 2x4s and see one of the last walls buckle, Jesus comes in and says, “I can hold this up, I can handle the load. Will you trust me?” You have no choice but to trust and no other recourse than to follow Him. You have found freedom in the open spaces that you would not trade for all the privacy in the world. So you trust that it won’t fall down, you trust that Jesus knows what is best and you trust that everything will turn out fine. And things do turn out fine. Only they may not have ended in the way that you would prefer or if God were taking your advice you would not have chosen that ending. But you have to keep trusting that Jesus knows your heart best, knows how much pressure it can take and when it’s time to test the strength that His presence has lent to it.

Jesus is still working on my heart. I’m not sure how many more dark places I have but I know there are a lot less. And I know that I’m being tried, but being enslaved to darkness is so much more a pain than freedom to the Father.

Wow, February

It doesn't seem possible that the end of February is already upon us.
Last weekend I was in North Carolina attending Quint State, which is a graduate student event, then I was recovering from Quint State and then I was catching up from not being in Auburn because of Quint State.
Then my parents came to visit, so I was hosting them. It's always fun having visitors, but it is also hard to relax when you know that you have other things going on.

But one morning while I was waiting for my parents to pick me up so we could go out to Breakfast, I had some time to just sit. I haven't really had time to sit and enjoy nature much, but I was sitting on the couch and looking out our front window at the tulip tree in front of our house. It has been blooming for about a week or so now. It has also been raining a lot and breezy, so there were petals flying off the tree.

I was struck as I was watching the different blooms that this blooming occurs every spring. Every spring the blossoms open up and are challenged by the wind and rain. Some of the blossoms have the strength to stay intact while others break apart easily. And then the leaves come, and go and next spring the blossoms come again to be tested by the weather.

It's sort of like life; or at least my life. Being in school lends itself to being in seasons more so than other lines of work. Each beginning of the semester I have the opportunity to make some of the same choices like whether I should be more involved with school work or with Grace Campus Ministries. Should I build relationships here or there? It's almost like the movie Groundhog Day, but without time repeating itself. I get to make some choices repeatedly, and others not so much, but I can't wait until I finally get it right.

Hello Again

It has been a little while since I last posted...But only a little.
I have been busy with school work and my assistantship. Last week the place where I work, the Biggio Center for Enhancing Teaching and Learning, hosted a conference for engaging students in learning. It went very well and we were pleased with the number of people who attended, especially since it was our first try at this.
Now that that event is in the past I can focus on other stuff, like my thesis.
For those of you who are interested, I am done checking my data for errors and now I am looking at the characteristics of variables and fun stuff like that. The best part is that I am using a data analysis tool called structural equation modeling (SEM) for my thesis and I am in a SEM class and I am using my thesis as the project for that class. So, yes, the thesis will be done this semester. I am also taking a College Teaching course that is being taught by the head of the Biggio Center, and I am enjoying that class a lot.
Also, I am sitting in on our Advanced Research Methods class. When I took the course I didn't really understand everything that was going on, so this time around most of it is making sense.

I am working with Grace Campus Ministries again this semester, involved in community groups. I wasn't involved in community groups in the fall because I was afraid something with my program would fall through. Now that I am balancing my time between GCM and HDFS I find that I have time enough...amazingly enough.
Next weekend me and 3 other grad students are heading to the University of North Carolina at Greensboro for a grad student conference called Quint State that involves HDFS programs from 5 universities. Also, because Greensboro is only 2 hours from where my sister and brother-in-law live they will come down for supper and bring my visiting parents with them.

So that's what's going on with me, in a very general way. But one last thing.
In January I was reading through the book of Matthew and several things were impressed upon my heart that had not been before.
One of them was in Matthew chapter 11, verse 28:
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and by burden is light."

But have you noticed what comes in the preceding verses?
verses 25 to 27: Jesus said, "I praise you Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure. All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him."

Jesus is plainly calling God His Father, and I think it is only because Jesus is in the Father that we can place our burdens on Jesus. He can handle it.
Colossians 1:17 says, [Jesus] is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
I think sometimes we are afraid of totally surrendering our concerns to Christ because we are afraid that things won't end the way that we see is best. Yet, time and time again we are asked to trust and surrender. But we must also remember that he is powerful enough, he is strong enough. He can handle it, and it is he who works. And he is faithful. This is lesson that needs several lessons to be learned but "oh how sweet to trust in Jesus."